Where are you going, Where have you been - Joyce Carol Oates

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been - Joyce Carol Oates

The first thing that I notice from the get go is the jealousy or enviousness from the mother that her daughter, Connie is pretty and she looks at herself often - and that the mother no longer has the looks that she once did.  I guess this is odd to me because as a parent myself, I feel like I would never make my child feel they couldn’t look at themselves because they were pretty and I no longer had my looks.  I would always want my child to feel good about themselves whether I felt good about myself or not.  Connie also had a sister June that at the age of 24, still lived at home.  June was opposite Connie in the looks department and it seemed that the mom cared more about her than Connie.  The father, he worked, came home and took a nap.  Showed little interest it seemed.  Connie would often go out with her girlfriend and it sounds to me that she looked for love and acceptance in boys.  Unfortunately, she caught the attention of the wrong boy/man and he seemed to have an obsessiveness with her.  Arnold knew everything about Connie.  One Sunday afternoon while Connie’s family went to a family picnic, and Connie chose to stay home.  The afternoon was uneventful until Arnold came to her house, insisting that Connie go for a ride with him and Ellie.  Connie didn’t want to and she soon noticed that Arnold and Ellie weren’t even close to her age - they were much, much older.  She was scared and stayed in the house - Arnold said he wouldn’t come into the house as long as she didn’t use the phone and call the police.  Eventually Connie does go for the phone, but was unable to dial.  At the end of the story, Connie seems to concede and begins to go with him.  I am guessing because she was fearful of what Arnold might do to her family as he had threatened her that he would harm them.  

I didn’t like this story - I found it to be sad and in some ways, I could relate.  My dad was a wonderful father - but there was little interaction with him(when I was a young teenager)  as he worked, came home and napped, and read the paper.  My mother was a wonderful mother too - but much like the story, she wasn’t always the most encouraging.  I too know what it was like to be rebellious and think that love was to be found elsewhere.  As I grew older, I have found that love is first found by loving yourself.  I didn’t have the end result as Connie did - but also learned many valuable lessons by making mistakes by trying to find acceptance and love in all the wrong things and people.